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Frances 04-14-2009 01:10 PM

Jokes that won't offend anyone...
 
I'm a bit bored here this evening, so I thought I'd give this section of the forum a little push in a different direction - much as I enjoyed Jim's second but last contribution :).

So... lightbulb jokes :rolleyes:
(Sorry, I just happen to like them)

What are your favourites? And can you think of a good punchline for a WFO-builder lightbulb joke? I can't and I've been thinking about it for quite a while.


My favourite ones are


How many Real Men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.

How many Real Women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. A Real Woman has a Real Man to do it for her.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. ...IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT?!

How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one
else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even
know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the
dark for THREE DAYS before they worked that OUT. And once they'd figured it out they wouldn't be able to find any light bulbs despite the fact
that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, and manage to change them, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from the next room to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! AND WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CLEARS ANYTHING AWAY!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF RUBBISH THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS... I'm sorry...what did you ask me?


And last but not least, one that I never understood as a child, until one day a little light suddenly went on in my head...

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two.

jrparks 04-14-2009 03:29 PM

Re: Jokes that won't offend anyone...
 
How many Irish does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
10, one to hold the lightbulb and 9 to drink until the room starts spinning!

Les 04-14-2009 03:38 PM

Re: Jokes that won't offend anyone...
 
How many Mafia Men does it take to change a light bulb ?

Two. One to change the bulb and the other to shoot any witnesses !

cangrande 04-30-2009 10:05 PM

Re: Jokes that won't offend anyone...
 
How many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw in the light bulb, and one not to screw in the light bulb.

brokencookie 05-01-2009 08:01 AM

Re: Jokes that won't offend anyone...
 
How many psychologists does it take to put in a light bulb ?

Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change ;)


How many Drummer's does it tak to change a light bulb ?


uhhhh.... is it dark ??

Frances 05-02-2009 04:48 AM

Re: Jokes that won't offend anyone...
 
Oh cool, I'd forgotten the religious ones.

How many Christians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three, but they're really only one.

Rastys 05-18-2009 05:50 AM

Re: Jokes that won't offend anyone...
 
How many Graphic designers does it take to change a light globe?




None, because they won't change a bloody thing!!!!!!!!!


Rastys

Mitchamus 07-23-2009 10:15 PM

Re: Jokes that won't offend anyone...
 
all this talk of "how many does it take".. reminds me of a late show sketch from the 80's

YouTube - The Gillette 3000

Oz Bakery 07-24-2009 05:39 AM

Re: Jokes that won't offend anyone...
 
How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, that's a hardware problem.

SurreyMan 08-15-2009 08:06 AM

Re: Jokes that won't offend anyone...
 
How many blonds does it take to change a light bulb;
one, but she has to wait for the world to turn around her !

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb ;
8, 1 to change the bulb, 1 to hold the ladder,and 6 to say that could be me up there !


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