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Lancer 05-05-2013 12:14 AM

Jeb and his friend Zeke
 
Now Jeb and Zeke were out huntin possum with their friend Doc Clem. Those wiley possums were leading our heroes on a merry chase until Zeke cornered one in a thick bush in a dark hollow. Zeke was crawlin head down into the bush with grandpa's blunderbuss in the lead when a rattler bit him from behind in a particularly inopportune locale.

Meanwhile Jeb and Clem came up on the unfortunate location to find Zeke sprawled on the ground clutching his parts. An emergency conversation ensued in which Zeke described his circumstance and cried... "What do I do? What do I do?"

Doc Clem was looking awful sorrowful and motioned Jeb to the side so they could talk private like.

Doc..."Jeb, Zeke's had it unless you suck out the noxious venom right quick!"

Jeb..."What's going to happen to Zeke if the noxious venom aint sucked out?"

Doc..."Well then Zeke is likely gunna die, Jeb"

Jeb is thinkin mighty hard as he goes back to Zeke layin on the ground cussin and fussin. Zeke sees Jeb and says "Jeb, what do I do?"

Jeb looks sorrowful and says...

"Nuttin you can do Zeke, Doc Clem say you likely gunna die."

Lancer 05-05-2013 12:35 AM

Re: Jeb and his friend Zeke
 
Jeb and Zeke out lookin for a "real job."

Jeb sayin to Zeke, "We gotta get us real jobs if we gunna get rich so we can build us a still." Zeke sayin, "Who gunna give us real jobs?" "We gunna be drivers Zeke, just like the tractor back on Granpa's farm."

So our heroes Jeb and Zeke go to take their oral driving test. Their written test went great cuz they bought their cheat sheets and passed real good. They are set to become 18 wheeler drivers and make their fortunes.

The middle aged emotional blond lady giving the oral says to Zeke,

"Your long distance driving partner Jeb is sleeping in the back. You're driving your fully loaded big rig 18 wheeler down a steep hill when your air brakes give out at the bottom. You are speeding towards a bridge and on the bridge you see jackknifed across the bridge from one side the the other a school bus full of tiny, cute little children screaming in terror at your approaching big rig." She gives Zeke the evil eye.

"You can either take your big rig over the side rail and into the deep chasm below or continue on the bridge until you hit the helpless and cute little children in the school bus, what do you do?"

The blond gives Zeke a defiant look of absolute moral superiority...

Zeke, thinkin hard says... "I'd wake up Jeb."

The blond, startled and confused, says, "Why would you wake up Jeb?"

Zeke replies, "He don't like kids, he would wanna watch."

brickie in oz 05-05-2013 01:00 AM

Re: Jeb and his friend Zeke
 
Terrible.....:D
How do you circumcise a a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw......

Lancer 05-05-2013 01:04 AM

Re: Jeb and his friend Zeke
 
I...I...Oh! Our heroes would never get involved in such a wanton pursuit I'm sure.

Lancer 05-05-2013 01:15 AM

Re: Jeb and his friend Zeke
 
Personally as a laborer at this site...

Jeb and Zeke settin by the swamp, fishin. Jeb says to Zeke, "Ya see Jezzabelle lately?" "Zeke, "Nah". So Jeb and Zeke go to the bog where Jezzabelle lives and knock on the door. The mother opens and stares at them with a high moral superiority. Jeb says "Ma'am, we alooking fer Jez." The Ma'am says "Jez havin labor pains." Zeke and Jeb look at each other and Zeke says to Ma'am, "Was she hurt at work?"


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