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Xabia Jim 04-08-2009 10:48 PM

God's Biblical Laws
Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality, who dispenses advice to people who call in to her Radio show. On her radio show recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination, according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is reportedly an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet.


Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10 - it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20 or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan, Homer Simpson-Caldwell

jeff 04-09-2009 01:58 AM

Re: God's Biblical Laws
X Jim - what can one say?
I mean really!!! It's no surprise that a lad lives in the scrub, is it? So many abominations to be avoided - and I thought it was simply because we enjoy the quietness.
So gullible; sigh! And little prospect of changing at my age.

Enjoyed your post, and seek to upset no-one by mine.To each their own, and bloody-well behave.
May Easter be as it should to all.
Luddite Jeff.

PizzaPolice 04-09-2009 06:04 AM

Re: God's Biblical Laws

Ketchup on hot dogs.
Pineapple on pizza.
Cheese on Pastrami.

Ken524 04-09-2009 04:21 PM

Re: God's Biblical Laws

Originally Posted by PizzaPolice (Post 53571)
Pineapple on pizza.

Oops. I'm guilty of that one!

MK1 04-09-2009 09:13 PM

Re: God's Biblical Laws
Here I was gathering stones for my oven build. What an idiot.


jeff 04-10-2009 04:52 AM

Re: God's Biblical Laws
Crikey P Police, you really know how to put the boot in, eh.
An' here's me thinking that all of those abominations were obligatory!!!

Strewth "I feel better now". [Remember that Ad?]

All of youse mob stay safe over Easter, please.

BRIFRO 04-10-2009 06:58 AM

Re: God's Biblical Laws
The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.

9 The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The ordinances of the LORD are sure
and altogether righteous.

10 They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the comb.

11 By them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.

PizzaPolice 04-10-2009 07:06 AM

Re: God's Biblical Laws
It appears this thread just dropped a stitch...

Maybe we can bury it and see what happens on Sunday.

Xabia Jim 04-10-2009 11:37 AM

Re: God's Biblical Laws
Yadda yadda yadda

sarah h 04-10-2009 03:10 PM

Re: God's Biblical Laws
Ooooh, there's so much I'd like to say - suffice it to say, however, that I've had a good laugh!!!

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