Towards the end of the golf course, Dave hit his ball into
the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow
buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up
thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.
All of a sudden, POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a
little old woman appeared. She said, 'I'm Mother
Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those
buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't
have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life:
better still, you won't have any butter for your toast
for the rest of your life. As a matter of fact, you'll
never have any butter for anything the rest of your
life!' Then POOF! She was gone!
After Dave recovered from the shock, he hollered for his
friend, 'Fred, where are you?'Fred yells back 'I'm over here in the pussy willows.'
Dave shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, Fred FOR THE LOVE
OF GOD, DON'T SWING!'
A young guy from Wisconsin moves to Florida
and goes to a big everything-under-one-roof department store looking
for a job.
The Manager says, 'Do
you have any sales experience?'
The kid says
'Yeah. I was a salesman back in Wisconsin .'
Well, the boss liked the
kid and gave him the job. 'You start tomorrow. I'll come down after
we close and see how you did.'
His first day on the job
was rough, but he got through it.
After the store was
locked up, the boss came down. 'How many customers bought something
from you today?'
The kid says, 'One.'
The boss says, 'Just
one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was
the sale for?'
says, '$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?'
The kid says, 'First, I
sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then
I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I
asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down the coast, so I told
him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him
a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda
Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department
and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.'
The boss said 'A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?'
The kid said 'No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude,
your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'
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