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Wild Duck 06-16-2013 11:06 PM

The Aussie Soldier
An Aussie soldier was out on patrol with his platoon when all of a sudden there was a deafening bang as an explosion went off, the force of the explosion knocked the soldier to the ground.
As the soldier lay there with blood coming from his leg a corporal called for the medic, the medic arrived and checked the condition of the soldier and said son you have a piece of shrapnel in your leg that needs to come out but the problem is I donít have anything for the pain.
The soldier looks up at the medic and says thatís ok, the medic explained that it was going to hurt like hell, then the soldier said itís ok I have felt pain twice in my life.
The medic ripped open the solders pants leg and set about removing the piece of shrapnel.
The medic at this stage is sweating from the brow but the soldier just laid there not moving, the medic cut the shrapnel out, stopped the bleeding, cleaned up the wound put in a dozen or so stitches then dressed and bandaged the wound.
When it was all complete the medic looked down at the soldier and whilst wiping the sweat from his brow said, son that must of hurt like hell yet you never flinched I have never seen anything like it he exclaimed, the soldier said I told you I have felt pain twice in my life, the medic said would you care to explain?
The soldier looked up and said well when I was a young fella I was out trapping rabbits early one foggy morning and I slipped on wet grass and slid down an embankment landing at the bottom on top of a rabbit trap it went off and got me right on the goolies, the soldier was now closing his hands with his fingers interlocking indicating the jaws of the rabbit trap squeezing his goolies. The medic was looking squeamish and hunching over holding himself in the groin region saying now that really would hurt, the soldier exclaimed sure did then the medic almost too afraid to ask said what was the second time you felt pain?
The soldier said when I stood up and took the slack out of the chain !!@!!

Wild Duck 06-17-2013 06:52 PM

Re: The Aussie Soldier
A few years later the soldier left the army and had returned home to bush where he grew up.
One day he was out fishing with his grandfather, as they set up camp on a river bank and were getting a fire going the old codger (grandfather) said he had to have a p...s He wandered off behind a bush to do the job a minute or so later the young fella heard a bit of a groan so he rushed over to see what was going on and said to his grandfather are you all right and the old codger says no a bloody bee stung me, where says the young fella and the old codger says right on the end of me d..k he was in terrible pain so the young fella says we better get you to the hospital.
So the young fella bundled the old codger in the ute and took him to the bush nursing hospital an hour or so down the road, by the time they got there the old codgers pride and joy had considerable swelling, when the nurse took him inside she asked what had happened, so the old codger explained and the nurse said she was not sure what she could do to help so the old codger says well could you take the sting out but leave the swelling !!@!!

Laurentius 06-18-2013 01:34 AM

Re: The Aussie Soldier
Be careful we're not the only gender here. It better to let me rag(to give a hard time,have fun with) Wild Duck, he seems to be a fun guy.

cobblerdave 06-18-2013 03:19 PM

Re: The Aussie Soldier
Yes it's a fine line sometimes.... I think wild duck is just on the line .....and it's old enough to know what point not to overstep.
Regards dave

tonybaker 07-11-2013 07:52 PM

Re: The Aussie Soldier
well, eventually the Aussie Soldier recovered from his injury and went to the pub to celebrate. A few hours later he came out of the pub rolling drunk! Suddenly he vomited all over a little dog being walked past by an attractive young lady! He turns to the lady and says "Jeez, Sheila, I don't remember eating that!!!

austinmc 08-01-2013 11:32 AM

Re: The Aussie Soldier
A guy walks into the local bookstore and asks the teller "do you have the book about men with small penis's. The lady says" I'm not sure if it is in yet".
the man replies" yes, that's the one...I'll take a copy".

TxTanner 08-03-2013 06:12 AM

Re: The Aussie Soldier
So the sheila says You didn't eat that it's a dog,so the drunk Aussie soldier asks the lady"does your dog bite?"No she says so he reaches out to pet the poor little vomit cover beast and it bites the sh.t out of his hand.He screams"I thought you said your dog doesn't bite." "Not my dog she says as she walks off laughing .

TxTanner 08-03-2013 06:30 AM

Re: The Aussie Soldier
Hey Wildduck and Cobblerdave couldn't we just refer to this guy as an Aussie soldier and it just be understood that hes always drunk,It just seems a little redundant.Are not all Aussie solders by definition drunk when not on duty.

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