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God's Biblical Laws - Forno Bravo Forum: The Wood-Fired Oven Community

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God's Biblical Laws

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  • God's Biblical Laws

    Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality, who dispenses advice to people who call in to her Radio show. On her radio show recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination, according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is reportedly an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet.

    *****************************

    Dear Dr. Laura:



    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.



    I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.



    1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?



    2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age what do you think would be a fair price for her?



    3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking but most women take offense.



    4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?



    5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?



    6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10 - it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?



    7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20 or is there some wiggle-room here?



    8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?



    9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?



    10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)



    I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.



    Your adoring fan, Homer Simpson-Caldwell
    sigpicTiempo para guzarlos..... ...enjoy every sandwich!

  • #2
    Re: God's Biblical Laws

    X Jim - what can one say?
    I mean really!!! It's no surprise that a lad lives in the scrub, is it? So many abominations to be avoided - and I thought it was simply because we enjoy the quietness.
    So gullible; sigh! And little prospect of changing at my age.

    Enjoyed your post, and seek to upset no-one by mine.To each their own, and bloody-well behave.
    May Easter be as it should to all.
    Luddite Jeff.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: God's Biblical Laws

      Abominations

      Ketchup on hot dogs.
      Pineapple on pizza.
      Cheese on Pastrami.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: God's Biblical Laws

        Originally posted by PizzaPolice View Post
        Abominations
        Pineapple on pizza.
        Oops. I'm guilty of that one!
        Ken H. - Kentucky
        42" Pompeii

        Pompeii Oven Construction Video Updated!

        Oven Thread ... Enclosure Thread
        Cost Spreadsheet ... Picasa Web Album

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        • #5
          Re: God's Biblical Laws

          Here I was gathering stones for my oven build. What an idiot.

          Mark

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: God's Biblical Laws

            Crikey P Police, you really know how to put the boot in, eh.
            An' here's me thinking that all of those abominations were obligatory!!!

            Strewth "I feel better now". [Remember that Ad?]

            All of youse mob stay safe over Easter, please.
            J.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: God's Biblical Laws

              The precepts of the LORD are right,
              giving joy to the heart.
              The commands of the LORD are radiant,
              giving light to the eyes.

              9 The fear of the LORD is pure,
              enduring forever.
              The ordinances of the LORD are sure
              and altogether righteous.

              10 They are more precious than gold,
              than much pure gold;
              they are sweeter than honey,
              than honey from the comb.

              11 By them is your servant warned;
              in keeping them there is great reward.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: God's Biblical Laws

                It appears this thread just dropped a stitch...

                Maybe we can bury it and see what happens on Sunday.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: God's Biblical Laws

                  Yadda yadda yadda
                  sigpicTiempo para guzarlos..... ...enjoy every sandwich!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: God's Biblical Laws

                    Ooooh, there's so much I'd like to say - suffice it to say, however, that I've had a good laugh!!!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: God's Biblical Laws

                      Don't worry Sarah. Said or unsaid, your thoughts will lead you hell.

                      I may have a small chip on my shoulder. At a young age a priest ratted me out from the confessional and some years later I was kicked out of Altar Boys.
                      Never once did anything untoward happen to me as an altar boy. But now I'm seeing all kinds of dudes getting paid millions of dollars! Now all I can say is HEY! What was wrong with me? I was pretty cute.....
                      Last edited by PizzaPolice; 04-10-2009, 04:33 PM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: God's Biblical Laws

                        PP
                        I guess we'll find out if there are any litigators on the forum, offers of help to free up those long repressed memories...

                        Mark

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: God's Biblical Laws

                          My former priest used to say that if we went to hell, at least we'll meet a lot of interesting people...
                          Elizabeth

                          http://www.fornobravo.com/forum/f8/e...html#post41545

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                          • #14
                            Re: God's Biblical Laws

                            Originally posted by egalecki View Post
                            My former priest used to say that if ...
                            I hope he was kidding... that isn't exactly the offical teachings of the Church!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: God's Biblical Laws

                              Just remember it's the Humor postings eh?

                              Take it with a good grain of Himilayan Salt....
                              sigpicTiempo para guzarlos..... ...enjoy every sandwich!

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